


Wretched

by ASR84



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Levi Ackerman, Dirty Talk, Dom Zeke, Dom/sub Undertones, Dubious Consent, Edgeplay, Emotional Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Emotional Manipulation, Emotional Porn, Emotional Sex, Enemies to Lovers, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Gay Sex, Grinding, Hate Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Large age gap, Light BDSM, M/M, Masturbation, Mentions of Death, Mentions of straight sex, Multi, Multiple Orgasms, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Orgasm Denial, Pervert Erwin Smith, Pervert Zeke Yeager, Pillow Talk, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Psychological Torture, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Sex, Rutting, Smut, Sub Levi, Top Zeke Yeager, ZEVI, Zeke Yeager Being an Asshole, eruri - Freeform, mentions of vaginal fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:02:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29657976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ASR84/pseuds/ASR84
Summary: Levi let Erwin die. He deserved to feel like shit. Zeke used sex to cope with things. The two came upon an agreement: in exchange for pain, Levi would let Zeke use his body.Enemies to lovers dynamics.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Zeke Yeager
Comments: 17
Kudos: 108





	Wretched

**Author's Note:**

> Hey. This is my first Zevi fic. I wrote it inspired by @/zeke_y7841's art on Twitter and personal real-life shit. Suffice to say, some may find it disturbing: Zeke and Levi are not written to be the most stable couple here. While everything that occurs is consensual, there are elements of dubious consent, emotional manipulation, and psychological torture that may make some parts seem like rape or non-con, hence why I tagged it so. You are most welcome to not read this fic if it isn't your cup of tea, but if it is: bottoms up!

“You murdered my fiance!” Levi spat, nails digging deep into Zeke’s shoulder blades. “Fuck-” he panted, biting down on his own lip to stifle involuntary moans- “…Ah!”

“ _Late_ fiance,” Zeke corrected him, chuckling. “And I did not murder him.”

Levi whimpered as the bearded blond breached his entrance. Tears pooled on the inner corners of his eyes; it felt so good and so despicable at the same time.

Biology. Levi reassured himself. That’s all it was. His body was merely responding to stimulation like any healthy male’s would under such ministrations. He did not want this.

But he needed it.

“You murdered him,” Levi growled, clawing at Zeke’s back. “You murdered Erwin!”

“No, little love-” the blond braced his shoulders, his stare as hard as his cock- “I did not murder Erwin.” Zeke groaned as he inched deeper into Levi, deltoids stinging from the scores he left on them. “In fact-” he grunted once he was buried balls deep in the smaller man, leaning low to rasp in his ear- “ _you_ let him die.”

Levi swallowed that lump in his throat. Zeke let his words sink in like his dick; patiently. When the noirette’s heaving ceased, a sign he was ready to receive more both physically and mentally, Zeke withdrew until only his bulbous tip remained-

“We’re here because it’s _your_ fault.” The taller man eased himself in again, slowly, letting Levi get used to his girth. “You wanted to learn to be brave.”

Levi clung onto the blond’s muscular torso. He didn’t know which hurt more: to admit Zeke was right, or to take his veiny dick up his ass. A shiver ran up his spine upon realising he was doing both. Warm tears rolled down his face.

“Hey. It’s okay.” The taller man hushed him, wiping the salty streaks off his cheeks. “It’s okay. I’m here.” Levi tensed at his remark. “Fuck!” Zeke groaned as the fuzz of his testicles brushed against the smooth skin of Levi’s buttocks. “Ackerman! How are you so tight?”

In spite of his reputation in bed, the blond took his time to loosen Levi up. According to him, it would hurt more to go slow and sensual than to simply fuck the noirette and get it over and done with. And Levi had been very clear with him about the kind of pain he wanted.

The kind of pain he deserved.

“Does it hurt, little love? Am I too big for you?” Zeke paused to study him, calloused thumbs gliding over Levi’s taint and balls. “Look at you, shaking like that. I am too big for you, aren’t I?”

He wasn’t. Erwin had been larger, and longer, but Levi had no trouble opening up for him. He loved Erwin.

“Shut up-” Levi hissed, swatting the man’s ball-fondling wrist. “Fuck me already!”

Zeke chuckled, moving his hands to cradle him, carefully, as if Levi were made of porcelain. Peering into his glaring greys, both arms hooked under the noirette, the blond initiated a gentle rocking motion- nothing too exciting, but pleasant and tingly nonetheless.

“No,” Zeke muttered, nipping Levi’s teat. He gave it a lick and a nibble, a sluggish swirl to complement the gyration of his hips. “I don’t think I would.”

Levi squirmed under him. “Hey-”

Zeke licked across Levi’s pale chest to give his other nipple the same treatment, taking his sweet time with each areola, paying special attention to his sensitive buds. The smaller man arched and jutted against him-

“Hurry up!”

“I want to savour my dessert.”

“Fuck your dessert!”

Levi, impatient, started bucking under him, but when he did, Zeke stopped thrusting- if that lazy roll of his could even be called thrusting. A sound of irritation escaped Levi’s lips, prompting Zeke to tease him more.

“You wanted to be punished, no?”

Levi nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

“If you’re the one being punished, I don’t see a reason to do things your way.” Zeke’s tone was dark, mocking. “I’m going to do whatever the fuck I want with you.”

“Zeke-”

“You’re going to open up to me in more ways than one. Nothing will be more humiliating.”

Levi was the one who asked for this, to be hurt, _demeaned_.

“You’re pathetic, Levi.” Zeke reeled above him. “That’s why _my_ cock is in you and not his.”

Levi was the one who let Erwin die.

He let Erwin drive himself home. He should have asked him to stay the night, should have postponed his departure with that New Year’s kiss he wanted to give him- a few seconds delay might have made all the difference- but he did not. He can’t even remember why. All he knew now was that he could be having sex with Erwin right now instead of the man who took his beloved away.

If only he’d been braver…

“Zeke,” Levi pleaded, “ _please?_ ”

Zeke paid him no heed. He too lost someone dear to him. On the same night. In the same accident no less. _Eren Jeager_. His younger brother. They were here because they both lost someone dear to them.

The blond used sex to forget: men, women, his own hand if he had no one. It did not matter. As long as he could reach some coital high, he could pretend he had nothing to do with it.

“I’m going to make love to you.” He traced Levi’s lower lip, wetting it with his tongue. “I’ll make love to you, _and_ _then_ I’ll make you my bitch.”

So they came upon an agreement: in exchange for punishment for his cowardice, Levi would let Zeke use his body.

Levi squirmed under the weight of Zeke’s form.

“Kiss me like you kissed him,” the blond murmured, intending to hurt the noirette even more. “I’m going to destroy your little hole-” he gripped Levi’s hips. “Like this-”

Zeke bucked suddenly, and very fiercely, into him, demonstrating how he intended to wreck his hole. No. Actually _wrecking_ his hole. Levi moaned loudly, toes curling at the abrupt severity of the sensation. A warm wave churned between his legs, building up, rising-

But then Zeke stopped thrusting, cutting short Levi’s moan, turning it into a confused whimper. The wave dissipated.

“Like that,” he sneered, “but longer.”

The noirette shed more tears beneath him, this time out of frustration. From the moment he stepped into the blond’s bedroom approximately an hour ago, Zeke had come twice and his own cock had been ignored. It was his turn, wasn’t it? To get what he wanted? To be bruised and violated. To feel as much pain as Erwin did. Why was Zeke treating him like this? They had an agreement. The blonde never said anything about edge play. Not today.

“Levi, baby.” Zeke stroked his cheek, resuming the gentle, barely stimulating, sway of his hips. “Don’t cry. It’s okay.” The blond could probably tell from the way Levi was rutting against him, painting his washboard abs with the dew of his dick, that the noirette was craving his more maddened pivots. The blond kissed Levi’s forehead. “I’m gonna make you feel very _very_ good.”

The smaller man shook his head, feeling the scratch of Zeke’s beard against his brows. He did not come here to feel good. He wanted to be mauled, abused. He wanted to feel wretched; Zeke was making him feel _weird_.

“I’ll make you feel so good you’ll feel _awful_ for it.” The blond broke it down for him. “Do we have an agreement?”

Levi sobbed quietly, words failing him. Zeke’s way of punishment was no doubt harsher. He did not deserve to be cared for. His cowardice was what got Erwin killed. He needed pain to feel human again. To receive any form of pleasure from the very man who, like him, could have also done something to prevent shit from happening- it was beyond cruel. It was dehumanizing!

It was precisely what he wanted.

“Kiss me,” Zeke ordered. “Think of him while you do it.”

Levi complied. He knew exactly what was happening. He knew why he was doing this. He knew it was not his fault, what happened to Erwin. He knew some things were beyond his control. But knowing shit did not make it hurt any less. He missed Erwin. He longed for him. It was easier for Levi to take blame for his death and to punish himself accordingly than to accept there was nothing he could have done to prevent it. Kissing Zeke while thinking about his dead fiance was a part of that: his punishment.

“Think of how disappointed he is in you right now.” Levi let Zeke lap his tongue; the blond tasted of molasses and tobacco. “You let him die.” Zeke toyed with his nipples. “Now you’re enjoying _my_ big blond dick instead of his.”

It has been a year since Erwin died, a year since Levi last spread his legs for anyone.

“You are enjoying my big blond dick, aren’t you?” Zeke’s tone was delirious, menacing, as if daring Levi to say no. He didn’t. “Good.”

Levi huffed, not quite ready to play along. “How the hell is this making love?”

Zeke sighed, almost as if exasperated.

“I lend you my cock and you can imagine it’s his,” he explained. “Think of me as him. Moan his name for all I care. I want to feel good and you to feel miserable. It’s what we agreed on, no?”

Levi neither concurred with nor contested Zeke. Not verbally. Instead, he spread his thighs wider for him.

“Make love to me,” the dom coaxed, caressing Levi’s cheek. “Treat me like you treated him.” He shifted onto his knees. “I will treat you like trash until you tell me to stop, and if you want me to stop, all you gotta do is say your safe word.”

Though he was ten years younger at the ripe age of 25, the first Jeager son was far more experienced in bed than the Ackerman. He saw it as his personal responsibility to remind Levi, the more vulnerable of the two, that he could back out anytime.

“Can you do that for me?” Zeke asked, though it was actually for Levi, but Levi would not do anything for himself right now. “Can you say your safe word when you wanna stop?”

“Okay.”

“Do you remember your safe word?”

“I do.”

“What is your safe word?”

“Serum.”

“Good.” Zeke pressed his lips chastely against Levi’s. “May I continue?”

Levi nodded, biting his lip as the blond resumed his salacious spearing, now from a new angle. The way his oddly hairless navel swung back and forth, contorting casually though not without skill, caught Levi’s attention. It allowed Zeke to hit a sweet spot previously neglected. He groaned.

“Right there?” Zeke kept on thrusting.

“Right there,” Levi strained.

Feeling better from a slight change in position, and hating himself for it, the noirette finally followed Zeke’s lead. He wrapped his legs around him and reciprocated his sloppy kisses. Zeke rewarded his obedience with an increase in pace. Levi whimpered: Finally. His walls were finally getting some fuck-worthy friction!

“Is it good?” The blond maintained his pace.

“So good,” Levi moaned before he could stop himself.

A sly smile formed on Zeke’s lips. “Yeah?”

“Yeah...”

“I’m glad.”

Zeke put more power behind his thrusts, eliciting more of Levi's wanton moans.

“How about now?”

“Ah-” Levi squealed, his thighs quivering- “Erwin…!”

“Mmmm.” Zeke’s tone was low, husky. “That good?”

Levi covered the lower half of his face, ashamed of the naughty sounds he was making. How was Zeke even making him moan? He was nothing like Erwin! But the way his cock slid in and out of him, throbbing in all the right places- Levi nodded from needing more.

And Zeke gave him more.

“Do I feel like him?”

Levi writhed with each glide, each pump, each pull. He moaned Erwin’s name again.

“How did he make love to you?”

Zeke wanted him to talk. He knew how excruciating it was to talk about a man he would never feel again.

“Tell me.” He nipped his ear, sliding leisurely in and out of him. “Tell me how good he made you feel.” Zeke guided Levi’s fingers to his own dick, clasping his hand over the smaller man’s, helping him tug at his unattended length. “Touch your weeping cock and tell me how he did it.”

Levi sucked sharp sips of air through clenched teeth. His breathing was shaky. Zeke had added little juts to his thrusts.

“He held me,” Levi answered at last, hyper-aware of an emerging heat between his legs. “Told me I’m pretty.”

“You are.” Zeke pecked the bridge of his nose. “Go on, baby. Tell me more.”

Levi lowered his lids as lips roamed his neck, his pulse points, the hollow between his collar bones. The way Zeke was handling his cock, clenching a sturdy fist over his own, guiding his hand as they pumped him together like the younger man was teaching Levi how to pleasure himself- it was hot! It was demeaning. It made Levi feel so naive, so _manhandled_ , by the blond. And he liked that. Levi swallowed; Zeke chuckled against the bump of his throat, fascinated by the way it bobbed. Levi liked that very much.

“He would kiss me.” Levi felt a tingling in his groin. “Pour champagne into his mouth, let it trickle into mine.”

“Sounds delicious.”

“It was.”

Zeke tightened his grip around Levi’s hand, causing him to clench tighter around his length. Levi groaned. _Electrifying_. His calculated motions, the rugged texture of his virile cock as it slid in and out of him. Sex with Zeke was simply _electrifying_. The blond swallowed Levi’s groan, covering his small mouth with his own. His tongue moved in the same manner as his cock, languidly, tasting whatever remained of his salty essence on Levi, exchanging the flavour of his last cigarette.

“I don’t have champagne,” Zeke mumbled between smooches, “but you can drink my spit.”

Levi was disgusted by the idea of drinking spit, especially Zeke’s nicotine-tainted one, but he wanted to all the more _because_ of that. The noirette parted his lips and stuck his tongue out invitingly. Thrilled by how forthcoming he was, the smoker rested his larger muscle atop Levi’s, letting him lap at the salivary glands underneath, dribbling warm spit into his orifice. Levi swallowed with soft mewls, barely audible if it weren’t for how close Zeke was pressing against him. He licked his fill, letting the blond lick his too. This was utterly gross. But Levi was liking it.

“What else did he do?” Zeke nibbled the plump cushion of Levi’s lower lip, hands still toying with the noirette’s dick, cock massaging his walls. “Tell me more.”

His voice, deep and desirous, served to turn Levi on even more. The only other man he has ever allowed to command him without suffering much consequence was Erwin. But that was before shit happened. To be subservient to this blond instead, a jackass who cost him his fiance: it was utterly degrading. It’s why Levi agreed to have sex with Zeke to begin with.

He ran his palms over the taller man’s chest, feeling the crinkle of coarse blond hair under the pads of his fingers. Erwin had been hairy there too, but not like Zeke. This blond was way hairier. Levi found his light brown nubs. He rubbed them, wondering if Zeke was sensitive there too. A puff of air escape his nostrils, but that was about it. His nipples were not quite an erogenous zone for him, or maybe the blond was better at hiding it.

“He would suckle me.” Levi looked up to him, eyes wide and pleading, like a young doe asking for milk- or an adult asking to be milked. “Does this turn you on?”

There was a moment of silence. Zeke raised an incredulous brow.

“Does this turn me on?”

Zeke’s hands left Levi’s cock to grab his hips, holding him still.

Levi’s heart thud in his ribcage. He knew what was about to happen.

“Does _this_ turn me _on?_ ” Zeke scoffed, repeating himself, outraged.

“Zeke-” Levi began, but before he could plead for mercy, Zeke let loose a hoarse yell-

He rammed like a maniac. A sex-crazed ape. _A beast-_ into him.

Levi screamed- “Ahh…ha! Wait- nnh!”

That yell. That _barbaric_ and resounding yell.

Levi whined, his back arching, teeth clenching- “Haa! Please!”

That yell always preceded the destruction of his walls.

“Aahh! Hah- _wait_ …fuck-”

He sounded just like Marie when Erwin jackhammered her: _pathetic_. So _fucking_ pathetic. Levi tried to hold back his moans but they only came out higher-pitched, louder. He was practically squealing. Goosebumps peppered his skin.

“Please-”

The intensity of the bombardment, the brutality of Zeke’s rock, the slam of his hips sounding like some rumbling applause: the warrior was not one to spare his strength when it came to ravaging holes; his burly titan of a cock was built for plundering ass, in particular, Levi’s sorry canal.

“Please-” Levi begged, his tone making him cringe. “Aah!”

It made sense to plead like that if Erwin was the one pulverizing him- but _Zeke?_ Moaning for Zeke was embarrassing.

And yet, Levi felt the waves of an orgasm approaching-

He cried, nails leaving red crescents on Zeke’s back.

“Yes! Hah!” So close. He was so close. “Zeke-”

But Zeke decided to stop, and not only stop, but to pull out.

“Wh-” Levi faltered, disoriented and breathless. A rush of air cooled his walls in Zeke’s absence, dissipating the waves of his near-orgasm. “Why the fuck would you-”

Zeke grabbed Levi’s hand and coerced him to wrap his willowy fingers around his girth. It was covered in films of white froth. The noirette grimaced at the thought of where it has just been but he stroked it anyhow, as per Zeke’s prompting.

“You feel that?” The blond hissed, blue eyes blazing. “Feel how hard I am?”

Levi licked his lips. He did.

“Does that answer your stupid question?”

Levi nodded. Zeke was enraged.

“Do you want my cock in you?”

The smaller one repeated his last gesture.

“Say it out loud, slut. Do you want my cock or not?”

“I want it,” Levi griped, growing tense from lack of release.

The military man cackled, guiding his erection to Levi’s ass. He slipped his ripe cock between the noirette’s cheeks, rubbing his crevice, teasing the man’s hole with his veiny dick. Levi mewled.

“Look at him, Erwin. Look how needy I’m making him.”

Levi jumped as cold spit landed on his taint. Zeke used the head of his cock to push the glob into his hole. The noirette whimpered as the blond drove his spit-lubed dick into him, breaching his entrance once again, but not burying himself all the way in; Zeke probed and pulled out and probed again, tantalizing his special bundle of nerves, exciting them, but not giving him enough to build towards anything.

“ _Zeke_ …” Levi whined.

“There it is. Say it again, baby. Say my name.”

Zeke pulled out to paint Levi’s balls with pre-come, sliding his tip over the man’s taint and hole. Levi writhed beneath him, trying to angle his own hips for penetration, but the blond would pull his dick away before he could get anything. Tears stung his eyes again.

“What do you want?” Levi chided, hating himself for crying over cock, and Zeke’s of all people. His lips quivered. “What more do I have to do?”

Levi sniffled. The blond hushed him, hurriedly cradling his head in his palms-

“Oh no. Levi- baby, don’t cry. It’s alright.” He soothed the raven, blotting his new tears with a finger. Zeke wiped his cheeks, his nose, the dampness on Levi’s eyes, his own dilated with lust. “You’re so beautiful.” Zeke cupped his face. His hands ran down his chest, his thighs, over his hips to his ass cheeks. Levi stilled. Was Zeke going to ram like mad into him again? The blond fondled his globes, and then he pried them- “so beautiful, Levi.” Levi held his breath in anticipation as the blond grazed his fluttering hole. “Think of how good this will feel here-” he thumbed his entrance- “if you beg for me, if you scream my name like you screamed his.”

Levi protested. “You said I could moan his name for all you cared.”

“That was before you offended me with your stupid question.” Zeke groped Levi’s balls. He squeezed them. “These boys need unloading, no?” Levi squirmed in his grip. “I studied you. I know how you like it.”

“Zeke!” Levi gasped as he knuckled a particular spot on his taint. The man really did study him.

“That’s a start. But that’s not begging, Levi. You can do better than that.”

Levi wanted it. So much. He needed that release, that debasing fix, but Zeke would only give it to him if he did what he wanted- if Levi begged for him- if he moaned _his_ name instead of Erwin’s. It meant, in some senses, cheating on the man he once agreed to marry- a man he would have called his husband by now _if only_ he had kept him off the road. At some point, during some particularly harrowing nights, Levi even wished he had broken Erwin’s legs. It would hurt like a bitch but at least he wouldn’t be dead. Erwin Smith was a goner because of _him_.

Levi deserved to feel like filth.

And nothing felt filthier than letting Zeke fuck him. 

“I want your cock.” Levi came upon a conclusion.

“What’s that, baby?”

Levi’s voice was barely audible.

“I want your cock,” he repeated, a little louder, more sure.

“Yeah? How much of it do you want?”

Zeke nudged his hungry entrance.

“All of it,” Levi moaned, reminding himself not to expect much. “I want all of your big blond cock.”

Zeke pressed his swollen tip against Levi’s greedy hole.

“Who’s big blond cock do you want?”

“Please-”

“Say my name, bitch. Say it or you’re not getting any.”

“Yours, Zeke,” Levi cried. “I want _your_ big blond cock in me.”

“That’s my whore.”

Zeke lined himself with Levi’s hole, puckered and pink, shuddering as he reintroduced his dick to the noirette’s canal. The latter gripped the sheets, riled by the sight of Zeke’s length disappearing into him. He sucked in some air, exhaling only once the blond’s surprisingly smooth navel touched his balls.

“Now what, baby? Tell me how you want it.”

Levi shook his head. It hurt. It felt so good that it hurt. More tears spilled down the side of his face. He said some very shameful things. He’s _done_ some very shameful things. He didn’t get to marry Erwin because he was a coward who did not stop his fiance from leaving; he needed constant reminding of that, lest anyone convinced him he was not in the wrong, lest he started believing he was not guilty. It’s disgusting, what he was doing now with Zeke, but it served as a potent reminder that he was not a good man, that his lack of action was what killed Erwin, what landed him here to begin with.

“Be brave, Levi,” Zeke encouraged him, somewhat catching on. “Tell me what you didn’t tell him.”

There was nothing he could have done to stop it, Levi used to say to himself, but Levi knew the truth: there was a heck lot he could have done to delay it, maybe even to halt it entirely. They tried to tell him he could not change the past, tried to make him move on, but he had devoted his heart to one man, so even if he could, he did not want to.

It’s twisted. He was having sex with Zeke out of a sense of loyalty to Erwin. He was letting this beast use his hole for a need to remain connected to him. He must _never_ be okay with what he’s done to Erwin, or rather, what he did not do that resulted in a tragic turn of events. He must be punished. And the best way to do that was to let Zeke violate him again and again.

Zeke reminded him of the accident, which reminded him of Erwin, which reminded him of his own incompetence. Levi must not start believing he had any. That would be dangerous. How many more would he end up killing from believing he was worthy of being loved? How many, if he let _them_ believe he was worthy of being loved?

That’s why he was sleeping with Zeke. They believed he was innocent of Erwin’s death. They called it an accident, after all. Not a homicide. And deep down, Levi knew that was all it was: an event he had no control over. But he must not start believing that. Believing that meant accepting he was not responsible for Erwin’s death, which did not sit right with him, because he _was_ responsible for it.

The only way to make people stop trying to convince him he was not to blame was to make them _not_ _want_ to keep supporting him. Make them _disgusted_ in him. Because no one would want to console an imperfect victim. So he spread his legs for Zeke.

Zeke, the man who let his drunken brother take the wheel when he had been in a better state for driving. Zeke, who's car swerved off-course, colliding head-on with Erwin’s. That insolent beast, whose bad judgement also killed his beloved.

He spread his legs for Zeke because nothing was more disgusting than willingly allowing your lover’s killer use your body for his pleasure, except perhaps, devoting your heart to him.

“Zeke…” Levi whispered into his ear, allowing the blond his last request. “I love you...”

He didn’t mean it, of course. He was only saying what the man wanted to hear. Zeke knew that too. They were only fucking based on a written agreement, that Zeke would punish him, remind him how vile he was, and in return, he would make Zeke feel desired. Still, it stung to say it.

He didn’t even get to say it to Erwin.

Zeke palmed his nipples, rewarding Levi with a gentle rub, cock still wedged deep in him but unmoving. The smaller combatant clung onto his shoulders, desperate for any roll of his hips. He wanted to grind the blond but was unable to; he was pinned too heavily against the mattress. He wanted it hard. He wanted it fast. Levi wanted it how Pieck Finger said the older Jeager brother always gave it to her. But Zeke would have none of that.

“I’m not quite convinced,” he teased, tweaking Levi’s tits with his index finger and thumb. “Say it again.”

Levi bit the inner flesh of his lip. Zeke wasn’t going to let him come if he didn’t. Oh but the blond was good. He knew _exactly_ what he was doing. Their agreement was for Zeke to make Levi feel like shit and for Levi to make Zeke come as many times as humanly possible. He got off of causing Levi pain, and Levi- he would most certainly feel like shit if he had to say those three words again. If he had to say them to Zeke. The blond was _too_ good at this shit.

But Levi can’t say it! He can't say that shit to Zeke. Not in any way that would convince him. But he needed this- he needed to come! He would not feel shitty enough until he spilt his seed for his nemesis. The whole point of their meeting was because Levi was scum, a coward who needed to be punished. Orgasm denial was just Zeke’s way of doing it, or rather, orgasm denial until Levi met some conditions. To fuck and climax was one thing, but to make love to the man who played a part in Erwin’s death was another. Zeke was asking Levi to show more vulnerability than he might be capable of.

“Come on now.” Zeke ran slow circles over his abdomen, learning the contours of his waist, his obliques. “Or are you starting to think you’re a good person?” He pressed Levi’s dick against his navel, stroking it once, twice, a third time. Levi jerked against his palm. “Is that what this is? Are you changing your mind?” Zeke growled low into his ear. “After shit you failed to do?”

Levi shook his head. Not true. None of that was true.

“Why won’t you say it then? Did you gain some sudden sense of virtue?”

Your fiance is dead, Levi could hear him thinking; he’s dead because of you.

“You don’t think it’s your fault, do you?” The noirette held his breath under him. “You don’t think you’re guilty.”

“No-” Levi’s knuckles whitened around Zeke’s arms. “Please-”

“It makes no sense, Levi. If you believe you’re guilty, why do you need more?” Zeke bit his lower lip; Levi winced at the graze of his teeth. “It leads me to believe-” he tongued him- “you either changed your mind-” he spat- “...or…” he licked his spit off Levi’s chin- “your mind was fixed from the beginning.”

“What the fuck are you implying?”

“You _want_ this, Levi.” Zeke cackled darkly above him. “Erwin’s just an excuse.”

“No-”

“You can’t lie to me, baby. Not anymore.” Levi thrashed under him. “That’s what this is, isn’t it?”

“No,” Levi whimpered.

“You don’t need me balls deep in you to remind you how vile you are, Levi. You already know how vile you are. And it will be a while before you forget.” Zeke breathed onto his neck. “Certainly more than every few days, which is how often we meet.” The man licked his pulse. “It makes no sense to forget how wrong you are _that_ soon.”

“I need to feel vile-”

“Cut your bullshit. If that’s really what you needed you won’t have any qualms about saying you love me.”

“They keep saying… it’s not my fault-”

“And you want to believe it is so you’d have reason to grieve. It scares you, doesn’t it?” Zeke brushed a sensitive spot behind his ear. “To admit you don’t feel guilty.”

Levi’s breathing quickened. How dare that son of a bitch-

“You’re here because you want me.” The blond nipped his ear. “But you’re too much of a coward to admit it.”

“Zeke-”

“Spreading your legs for a man whose negligence led to your fiance’s death as some form of punishment? To get people to think you’re disgusting? To make them hate you enough so they stop trying to convince you you’re not?”

Levi trembled under him. The things Zeke was saying-

“Bullshit! All of it.” Zeke spat. “No one whose opinion matters to you is going to think you’re vile for having sex with me; they’ll only think you’re coping.”

“Zeke. Please-”

“You’re not here to make yourself look or feel vile. You don’t seriously think you’re at fault. You won’t need much convincing, not from yourself, certainly not from my dick, to supposedly remind you that you are.”

“No-”

“ _Yes._ ” Zeke cackled. “It’s a story you tell yourself, but I see right through it. I tell myself stories too, but I don’t lie in mine.” Levi groaned from the bruising grip the blond had on him as Zeke taunted on. “I shove my cock up your ass because it feels good, because I like it, because your hole is a treat to my dick.” He glared into Levi’s grey eyes. “You tell yourself you want to feel like shit, but when I give you shit, you hesitate.” Tears brimmed in Levi’s eyes. “It’s not pain that you want,” Zeke concluded, “it’s comfort from a man you don’t want to admit you find comfort in.”

Levi blinked, letting warm tears roll down his face. “No,” his voice was but a whisper. “That’s not true.”

“But it is.” Zeke smiled maliciously. “Look at you. You’re crying. You’re not even fighting back like you normally do.”

“It’s not true.”

“You love my cock. You want to be fucked by me. Not to make you look or feel vile. No. That’s just an excuse so when I’ve given you an orgasm, you won’t feel too bad about it. You won’t feel like you’re cheating on him, because you are supposedly doing this for another reason.”

Levi shook his head. He was not able to speak anymore. Zeke’s words were ringing in his head: he wanted this. Not punishment. Not to feel like shit. But this. An end to his loneliness, his sexual frustration, the nights he had to spend alone without Erwin. He would meet Zeke once in a few days to do this to get his fix but he would tell himself he was not his replacement.

Because Zeke Jeager could never replace Erwin.

But fuck he made him feel good! Too good. Good enough for Levi to want more of him.

They first met at the hospital. Zeke had been recovering in the male ward while his brother and Levi’s fiance rested at the morgue, waiting for the funeral home to come pick them up. Both their eyes were bloodshot from much crying. They exchanged their sympathies. Levi didn’t have much to say. He told Zeke he was sorry and was about to leave but then Zeke tugged at his wrist, asking him to stay.

They told each other more stories. Mostly Zeke. Levi was quiet as he learned who the blond was to the young man that had rammed his car into Erwin’s, what they had been doing before shit happened. He learned more than he wanted to about the blond under the influence of morphine. Zeke was hurting, and so was he. But Zeke had been better at talking about it.

They kept in touch after that, saw each other at each man’s funeral, bonded over losing their irreplaceable existences. They did not meet too often after that. Not then. Wounds were still fresh. Just seeing the other man was excruciating. It was only months later that Levi reached out to Zeke again- because his house was feeling empty- to ask if the man would fancy a drink with him. Not alcohol, Levi made sure. He had a deep hatred for that substance ever since shit happened. Zeke too. So they drank tea.

Levi didn’t say much even then. He just wanted company. And Zeke knew that. So he placed his hand on Levi’s knee, and the rest was history.

They kissed, they cried, Levi told Zeke how much he missed his fiance, and Zeke told him he could help him take his mind off things. They did not fuck. Not yet. But they did hold and open up to each other enough to want to.

So they made a little agreement: they would _both_ distract each other.

Their first time had been wild. Explosive. So full of hunger and yearning. No talking. Just fucking. And Levi loved it. Hell. He loved it so much. Zeke was young, adventurous. He reminded him of what he was missing with and without Erwin.

And that made him feel like shit.

Even he knew it. This man, this blond who ruined his life, was slowly growing on him. And he had not lost Erwin too long ago. It was far too early to start dating again- not without people judging him, if they did not already for his preferences- and even if more time had passed, Levi could not bear to accept he found someone he considered something of a replacement.

No. A rebound. _No one_ could replace Erwin.

But still. He was growing fond of his rebound, and that terrified him. It got him thinking, did Erwin mean nothing to him, that he would open up to a man this quickly, and a man indirectly responsible for ending him at that?

So Levi tried to convince himself he was not getting together with Zeke to feel good, to distract himself. It was for punishment. He was guilty. He despised the man. And he needed to be reminded of his guilt. That part was not a lie, but it was inaccurate: his guilt was not towards letting Erwin die; it was towards feelings he was developing for Zeke, a man who shared his pain, the only other person who was as devastated as he was by that accident.

That’s why he asked Zeke to keep reminding him of Erwin, to tell him how disappointed his fiance must be with him, so he could remember Zeke was not his true love, just a rebound. But he never told him that. Never let him know he saw him as something a little more than a fuck-buddy. He kept that little detail from him. He did not want stupid feelings to get in the way of their arrangement.

But Zeke. That observant son of a bitch. Zeke saw right through him.

He saw what this was all about, what Levi really wanted. He called him out. Called his bullshit. And he was pissed. They agreed to have sex no strings attached, and if strings were developing, to be honest about it so they could discuss how to proceed with such arrangement. But Levi didn’t. He was too scared to. What if Zeke left him? What if he will, not because of Levi’s feelings, but because of the outrageous tales he told himself to hide them? What if he was okay with Levi wanting him as more than just a hookup, but because of his dishonesty, he would think of him as a manipulative piece of shit who thought he could fool him, an insult to his intelligence?

Levi trembled under Zeke’s form. He was ashamed. So utterly ashamed of himself. He got caught. The blond was not like him; he was an idiot in deep denial. Zeke saw right through him. Tears spilled down his cheeks. He felt vile, _truly vile,_ now. He should have admitted shit from the beginning. It would have been more dignified too. But he was a coward. And now his cowardice would cost him the company of a man he’s grown to want. Again.

“Levi?” Zeke called out to him, dropping his act. His voice took on a concerned tone. “Baby, you okay?” The man must have noticed how quiet he’s become. Crying was normal, but silence; silence like this wasn’t. “Did I go too far?”

Lie. That’s what his first instinct was. To lie again. Zeke did hurl a barrage of insults at him, not to mention repeated implications of infidelity, but Levi was the one who asked for it. Literally. He was the one who explicitly asked Zeke to insult him that way. Did he really go too far?

What if it was all a coincidence? What if Zeke knew nothing of his true feelings towards him? What if it was just a calculated guess?

But no. His tears must have given him away.

Then again, maybe not. Maybe Zeke would not assume he hit a nail in the head. Maybe in his eyes, Levi was just crying because he missed Erwin. Or maybe he thought it hurt more to gaslight him, to tell him he wasn’t feeling guilty for shit, not knowing what he assumed was a dismissal of Levi’s feelings was actually the clarification of it?

Based on his change of tone, it would seem so. If he was truly pissed at Levi for lying, if he even suspected dishonesty, why would he then ask if he was okay, as if his calling his bullshit had all been an act? No. Zeke must be oblivious. And it was an act. A very good one. He can't have any idea. He just can't. It's too embarrassing. Besides, the blond was even apologising.

“I’m sorry, baby. I thought it would rile you more, to be fucked by a man who thinks you’re obsessed with him.”

But he was. And it hurt to admit it. It was nauseating, even. But Levi _was_ obsessed with him.

“I didn’t think it would get to you.” Zeke bowed his head. “I was just trying to do what you asked me to, to make you feel-

The noirette shook his head, placing his fingers on Zeke’s lips, shushing him. Fire surged once more through his veins.

“Did you hear me say serum?”

Zeke peered up at him, a little surprised by Levi's change in demeanour. He shook his head.

Levi took the man’s hand and wrapped it around his semi-hard cock, making Zeke stroke it to full hardness. He made sure to dribble his pre-come all over his fingers.

“You feel that?” Levi used his own words on him. “Feel how wet I am for you?”

Taking a hint, Zeke gave the smaller man a keen nudge between the legs. Levi inhaled sharply, a little stunned. Zeke was still hard, and he was still wedged deep inside him. The blond licked his lips.

“You are _very_ wet for me.” He smiled, answering him. “Wow. Would you look at that?” He twisted his palm around Levi’s dick. “You're weeping here now.”

“Creep. Get the fuck on with it-” Levi seethed, frustration returning. “Play your perfect game.”

“You won’t regret this,” Zeke assured, almost as if thanking him for getting back to his senses. “Lift your hips for me baby.” And Levi did. Zeke took that as his cue to carry on. “You know what to do.” He continued his charade. “Talk dirty to me.”

Levi took a deep breath, releasing his grip on Zeke’s biceps. He entwined his arms around the man’s neck.

“I need your cock, Zeke.” He said what the blond wanted to hear, the filthier the better. “I want it to hurt.” He initiated a deep, wet, kiss, surprising the young war chief. “I want it to feel so good it feels _awful_.”

From the moment Levi bared himself for the blond until this moment now, he had been flitting back and forth between wanting to feel good and needing to feel used. He wasn’t divided about Zeke- to be fucked was out of the question- he was divided about what he wanted from him. But now…

“Make me feel good, Zeke. I want to feel good too.”

Shameless. Utterly shameless. That’s what’s he’s become.

“I don’t suppose,” Zeke inspected, “it feels too good for you to keep talking about him?”

“No shit,” Levi scoffed, carding his fingers through the man’s sweaty locks. “Kiss me,” he demanded.

“Then I’ll stop bringing him up-” Zeke pecked Levi’s lips- “if you moan my name from now on.”

“Zeke...” Levi began, innocently touching his cheekbone and beard.

Zeke groaned. Levi’s hips, in spite of the imploring, childlike, look on his face, were doing far less innocent things under him. The blond ought to discipline him. He aimed another precise nudge to his prostate. Levi jolted, hissing.

“Ah! Make me your bitch.”

Fuck. Did he really just say that?

“Gladly,” Zeke growled. He nudged Levi three more times, delivering strong but deliberate blows to his sweet spot, rattling Levi with each thrust, making every damned pump count. “I’m gonna fill you to the brim.” He shoved harder. Levi squealed. “Then I’m gonna wreck your walls.” Zeke’s tone was low. Levi whimpered. “You’ll never find another cock to plug up your hole.”

“Ahh! Zeke!”

“That’s right. Moan my name.”

Zeke increased his speed but reduced the strength of his thrusts. The constant friction, though not as forceful, served to reignite that warm bubble between his legs. They kissed some more, the broader of the two pinning the noirette’s pelvis against the mattress so heavily the bed thud against the wall with each shove.

“Fuck! Zeke-”

Levi cussed a few times, his desperation reminding him of Historia when he fingered her: Erwin thought it appropriate payback for when the heiress punched Levi some four years ago. She sought him right after turning eighteen to thank the businessman in a more intimate, less formal way, for helping her uphold the Reiss family legacy. For how many men and women thirsted after her, and how amicable she was with everybody, the two were surprised the first phallic thing to ever pulse her had been Levi’s digits. The noirette did it in view of Erwin for his pleasure-

“Shit! You’re so good at this-”

“I know,” Zeke grumbled, clearly pleased. “I had practice.”

Comply. That was the best thing to do. Let himself enjoy this like the beast wanted him to. He was already taking Zeke up the ass, belly swimming with his fluids, intending to spill his own very soon. If it was wrong for him to enjoy the blond’s dick for how poorly it reflected on his relationship with Erwin, he should have never reached out to him. If he had wanted sex and sex only, he should have called a stranger. He shouldn’t have called Zeke with whom he shared an emotional connection, even if it wasn’t a particularly pleasant one. Besides, complying would help maintain his facade. If he didn’t play along, Zeke would start wondering, and if Zeke started wondering...

“Zeke… your cock-” Levi hitched, “your cock feels so good in me-”

Hide in plain sight. That’s what he’ll do. Levi would hide in plain sight.

“Levi. Fuck!”

Zeke was starting to lose his composure.

He lost someone too, Levi reminded himself. Zeke spent an entire decade searching for Eren since the day he learned he had a younger brother. He only met him once as a kid, since his father remarried, leaving him in the care of his senile grandparents, and then he lost him again the night the younger Jeager rammed his car into Erwin’s too soon after reuniting with him. Eren had been the only Jeager who was pleased to see him since his own mother passed away a little after Eren’s. In other words, Zeke lost the last family member known to not dread his existence.

Eren had been intoxicated. He shouldn’t have been driving. It should have been him. Zeke should have been the one behind the wheel. But Zeke did not think anything would happen to them, so he let his drunk little brother drive them home.

The incident left them both broken.

“More, Zeke. I want more-”

It gave him a sense of control to be the one to inflict pain upon himself, control he deluded himself into thinking he had. He had the power to change the order of events, did he not? To change the course of history? Be a defining ripple in the butterfly affect? Yet Levi froze and made all the wrong choices, speaking when he shouldn’t have, staying silent when words were meant to be spoken. He was responsible for Erwin’s death because it was easier to punish himself, a man he could feel and reach, than to try to mete retribution upon an unseen force. He could bleed, fate could not. That was his mindset in the beginning.

“Harder, Zeke.”

Levi did all that he could to hold on to it. The guilt. The pain. He was addicted to it. Cause and effect. Action and reaction. Newton’s Third Law. If he did something, something should result from it. Was that not how the world worked? Was there not an order to everything? Yet the moment a loved one died, all of a sudden, none of those laws applied. When a loved one died, it was always meant to be. Fate would commit a crime and no one could make fate pay. The grief was devastating.

“Zeke, harder!”

No. It hurt too much. It hurt to consider there was nothing he could have done. He slept with Zeke, at first, to punish himself. The pain Levi felt from believing he could have made a difference was something he consented to. It was something he could handle. And he needed to feel like he could handle something or grief would drive him insane. That’s why he was addicted to guilt and pain. But now…

“Zeke!”

Now he was developing feelings for him. All those nights they spent together, helping each other cope with the pain, sharing a burden no one else could possibly know, of a man composed and unaffected on the outside but carrying so much within. Eventually, at some point, Levi could not keep up with it. The delusions. The thought he could have done something to prevent Erwin from meeting his tragic end. He started accepting, bit by bit, that fate dealt its hand, and he was an irrelevant part of the equation. He had no more reason to punish himself because the guilt started fading.

But he did not stop sleeping with Zeke.

“That’s right, baby. Keep calling me.”

And he did not stop sleeping with Zeke because sleeping with Zeke gave him what he desired from a sense of control: comfort. Yes. The man was a beast in bed. He liked edging him. But at the end of it all, once playtime was over, the blond would be there to take care of and comfort him, in doing so, forming a deeper connection with him.

And that’s what Levi found disturbing. That’s when he started becoming conflicted. Their arrangement was not supposed to end like this, with Levi developing feelings for the brother of a man who killed his fiance. Sex with Zeke was punishment at first, until it turned into something pleasurable, by which then it was terrifying. He only tried to convince himself it was still punishment to make it less so.

_But Zeke saw right through him._

“Zeke,” Levi mouthed, brows knitting with urgency. “Please. Fuck me.”

Zeke, spurred by the filthy things he was saying, lifted Levi’s legs over his shoulders, changing the angle at which he penetrated him. He gazed into Levi’s eyes, dilating in the dim light, drinking up the silvers that peered ever so hungrily into his.

“You’re so greedy-”

“I am-”

“So greedy for my cock-”

“Zeke!”

Levi cried as Zeke thundered into him, enjoying the snap of the blond’s hips- so much fervour- his pace, once casual, now severe. The low drone of Zeke’s moans melded perfectly with the high of his. The blond plunged harder and faster into him, the new position hitting stronger, deeper, stretching his walls so ferociously that tears returned to his eyes. The beast gave him no break from his graze, the unremitting pace of his pitch. Levi sung his name-

“Zeke…!”

“Listen-” the blond arched over him, holding Levi’s head in his hands, folding him in half: he heard his own whines, their harsh exhales of breath, lewd squelching between their thighs, and the wet slap of Zeke’s balls against his ass- “listen how much you want me.” He roared as he pistoned ruthlessly into him- “scream my name, bitch! Scream it like you mean it!

Levi shrieked again and again, giving the blond his end of the deal. He liked him vocal.

“Ahh- like that! Just like that!”

“Fuck. You sound so sexy!”

It worked well at first. Their little arrangement. His little plan. Levi would feel nauseated even before they were done, but the more that he lay with the man, and the more he listened to him, the harder it was getting for Levi to despise him- to feel what he was doing was wrong. And if Levi did not feel like it was wrong, if it did not feel like a punishment, there would be no point to their fucking. And he did not want it to have no point, because if he kept sleeping with him when there was none, it would leave him with only one other option: that he was having sex with Zeke because he liked it, and not only _it_ , but _Zeke_ himself.

Levi shivered. It terrified him.

“Baby-” Zeke heaved, still ramming like mad into him- “baby, still with me?”

It terrified Levi to think he might not actually hate Zeke, not as much as he convinced himself he did, and even worse, what if…

“Baby, you’re quiet. Are you passing out? Is it that good?”

…what if Zeke felt the same way about him?

“Yes!” Levi gasped, returning to earth- “Yes, Zeke! Fuck- it feels great!”

What if Zeke genuinely cared about him? And not because of some dumb agreement. What if he had feelings for him too?

“Zeke, more-” Levi clawed at the blond, feeling the bed vibrate with the vigour of his thrusts. If he was no longer doing this for a sense of control, if it was for feeling good- “Aah! Fuck!”

“What do you need, baby? Tell me what you need-”

“Hah- help!” Levi clung onto him, gathering breath- “Ah! Zeke!”

He screamed, trying to push some thoughts out of his head-

“Tell me what you need, baby!”

It felt good. It felt so fucking good! And the blond cared for him. He really did. He was remorseful. Always had been. And he made Levi feel so fucking cherished. He wanted him. Needed him. This was not about Erwin. This was about him. This was about Levi finding a man who could relate to his pain, who desired him, who saw right through his bullshit even before he did. This was about Zeke, who protected him from himself, who respected his wishes enough to play along with him, a man who searched the world for his brother, who then lost him, who was a beast in bed but more importantly, who managed to pull Levi out of a ditch he made for himself, to comfort him when he refused to be comforted. Zeke lost someone too, but he had been honest.

“You!” Levi cried, at last, shivering from both pleasure and pain. “I need _you_!”

A well burst in him.

Too much. It was too much.

“Zeke-”

He meant it.

“I want you!”

Moaning loudly, coherence gone, Levi knew that he was close. Zeke too. The jab of his hips- rhythmic and meticulous- was now becoming an erratic grind.

“I want _you_ …!” Levi repeated.

Fuck the world. Fuck everyone in it. This was all that mattered.

“Baby, I’m gonna coming. I’m gonna coming inside you-” Zeke pounded all the more wildly into him, building up an orgasm- “Fuck! Levi-” he ground the noirette, abusing his sweet spot- “come with me! Come with me, baby-”

A searingly hot hand clamped around his dick, tugging and twisting his marble-hard length. The grip he had on his cock, the way Zeke’s fist asphyxiated his head- Levi clenched harder around his pulsating length.

“Nnh! So good!”

Chests heaving, abs seizing, thighs clenching violently- a few more pumps was all it took. Zeke shuddered, coming with a guttural moan, filling Levi with loads of warm semen. Levi followed soon after, sharing his animalistic climax, sputtering his seed all over his chest and stomach. Their tongues found each other as they rocked, less primitively, to ride out their powerful orgasms.

“Levi…” Zeke panted, dick still pulsing in him, “…that was amazing!” He collapsed on top of the noirette, smearing his load all over his abdomen. “Wasn’t that amazing?”

Levi, who normally grimaced at the feel of sloshed semen, wrapped his arms around the blond. His body was tingling most deliciously, even if his ass was sore.

“Yeah,” he agreed, exhausted, basking in post-coital bliss. Levi lowered his legs from Zeke’s shoulders to wrap them around his waist. “It was.”

He held the blond tighter against him, stroking his hair, his shoulders, his back. He pulled Zeke into another kiss, getting another taste of tobacco and molasses, closing his eyes, savouring him, knowing full well this might be their last.

“Mmmh. Levi-” Zeke’s voice was raspy from much yelling, soft and low against his tongue. “What’s this?” He whispered when they finally broke apart, foreheads pressed onto each other, still trying to catch their breaths. They were done fucking. It was unlike Levi to be affectionate once they were done fucking. “Are you okay, little love?”

The noirette nodded, blushing. “I am more than okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Levi smiled, stroking Zeke’s beard. “In fact…”

“You’re smiling. I’ve never seen you smile.”

Levi chuckled, making the blond beam wider.

“You seem very happy, love.”

“I am.” Levi lowered his gaze, and then he peered back up at him. Zeke was watching him with intrigue.

“You seem shy.”

Levi chewed on his lip as heat rose to his face.

“You _are_ shy,” Zeke pointed, astonished. “Levi-”

“I had a great time.” Levi drew timid patterns on Zeke’s chest. “Thank you.”

“Oh you-” with a shuffle, Levi found himself sitting astride Zeke. The man had manoeuvered them so that he was sitting with his legs out under him and Levi had his legs crossed around his waist. “You’re so beautiful.” Zeke traced his neck, his lips. He cupped Levi’s cheek and buried his face in his hair. “Lavender,” he mumbled to himself, inhaling Levi’s tresses. “I had a great time too.”

Levi hid his face in the crook of Zeke’s neck. Zeke smiled, extremely content.

“Are you really okay, baby?” He stroked the muscles of Levi’s back. “You're growing hard again.”

Levi whimpered. This was embarrassing. And he had absolutely no control over it. What the hell was happening? Why was he acting like such a teen? And fuck. He really was growing hard again.

“I didn’t get to come as much as you did.” Levi licked his lips. “But you don’t have to help me. I know you’re exhausted.”

Zeke was still balls deep in him, and he had grown soft enough, yet the blond had yet to pull out.

“You underestimate my stamina, Ackerman.”

“Are we going to do this again?”

“If you want.” Zeke booped his nose. “Do you want to?”

Levi took a moment before responding. “Are you gonna be okay?”

“I think you’re forgetting I’m far younger than you.”

“You’re right,” Levi admitted. “I do forget that sometimes. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. I do need a minute though.”

“Can we…” Levi began, but did not finish his sentence.

“Yes, baby?” Zeke coaxed him, rubbing his arms. “Can we what?”

“Can we go slower?” Levi asked, abashed. “Actually, I…”

“Go on.”

“I need to be able to walk tomorrow so uhh…”

“Less rough sex?”

Levi nodded. “I mean, I love it. But I wanna try…”

“You wanna try…?”

“I wanna try making love.”

Zeke stilled under him. And then the man leaned back, slowly, peering up to take him in, a look of bewilderment all over his face. Levi was unable to read his expressions. Was he displeased? Horrified? He was certainly taken aback, but in what way? Was this good or bad? Why was he not saying anything?

“Levi, I-”

“You know what. Forget I said anything. I’ll just finish off-”

“Yes!” Zeke pulled the noirette into a bone-crunching hug, startling the raven. “Yes! Let’s make love!”

“You sound like you’ve been-”

“Waiting for this since we met? Fuck yeah!”

“So uhh…” Levi lowered his gaze again. It was unbearable, saying these things. “I mean. You’re not upset with me?”

“Upset? Why in the world would I be upset? I have a beautiful man blushing so prettily in my lap asking me if I’d make love to him. I must be _insane_ to be upset with you!”

“I mean…” Levi traced patterns in Zeke’s chest again. A nervous habit. “I did kind of lie to you.”

Zeke caught his hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it in such gentlemanly fashion no one would have thought he just fucked Levi senseless. If it weren’t for the come streaks on his chest and the fact his dick was still wedged deep in his ass, Levi would have fallen for such act.

“You didn’t lie to me.” Zeke caressed his knuckles. “I knew all along.”

Levi’s heart thundered hard in his chest. Shame flooded his veins. Fuck. This was embarrassing. It wasn't an act. He meant it all along. Every damn word. Zeke knew then, his true motives? Did that also mean he knew how he felt about him? What was he supposed to say now?

“I’m sorry. I was just-”

“Afraid. I know.” Zeke let go of him to cup his face. He massaged Levi’s temples, trying his best to calm him. “You don’t have to apologize to me for that.”

Levi nodded, tears welling all of a sudden. Fuck. Has he ever cried as much since Erwin’s funeral?

"And by the way, I love you too." Zeke helped him wipe his tears away. “The only person you lied to is yourself,” the blond said gently. He gathered him lovingly in his arms. “I can’t get upset at you for that. In fact, I understand it.”

Levi's heart leaped in his chest. Did Zeke just say he loved him?

“I’m sorry,” Levi sniffled. He shook his head. His world was spinning. Zeke knew. Zeke wasn’t upset with him. Zeke knew and Zeke loved him. “I just ruined a good moment. We’re supposed to be making love.”

“What?” The blond hushed him. “No. Baby- that’s just not true!” He blotted more tears. “We’re meant to be listening to each other and feeling things together. Making love.” Zeke soothed the noirette. “It’s more than just me sticking my dick in you.”

“I know that, you brat!” Levi snapped, smiling through his tears, somehow finding his strength again from being annoyed a man that had fucked him so brutally would be the one to tell him what lovemaking was. “I’m just- I’m trying to gather my thoughts.”

“I know.” Zeke smiled gently at him, drawing him closer to give his forehead a kiss. His beard tickled Levi’s brows. “Take your time, baby.” He spoke against his sweat-dampened skin. “And remember, you don’t have to understand everything right now.”

“You take such good care of me.” Levi scoffed, touched by the blond’s offer, wiping the last of the wetness in his eyes. “It’s no wonder I forget you’re far younger than me.”

“I will take that as a compliment.” Zeke beamed. “And you know, we can always make love in the literal sense another time, if you just want to cuddle for the rest of the night.”

His dick had softened considerably since he started crying again, and Zeke took notice of that.

“I mean, I should probably pull out of you now. I can suck you off, if you’re still pent up. But I’m not going to be disappointed if you just want to cuddle.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “How can you be so romantic and so filthy at the same time?”

The blond shrugged, smirking. “It’s one of my charms.”

“I’d like that,” Levi voiced, hiding his face in the crook of Zeke’s neck again.

“Which of what I offered are you referring to, baby? Some kind of conflict with each other…”

“Suck me off. Make love to me. And then take your fucking massive cock out my ass so we can cuddle till morning.”

Zeke smiled into Levi’s hair, as dark and alluring as his personal abyss.

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Ohh. It is.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was one hell of a self-indulgent piece. It started off as porn without plot but then I got ideas LOL. I was honestly a bit shy about sharing it till I received a lil encouragement from a lil more ppl than I expected. I'm surprised so many of us enjoy this ship! I intend to write more but for now, it will remain a oneshot. Kudos and comments are much appreciated. Thanks for reading! Take care- HEL.


End file.
